Who is the Algorithm?

Naked Attraction: TV gone nuts?

British Gameshow Erotica: Exploiting Our Obsession with Seedy TV

6 to 7 min read

Naked Attraction isn't the same as watching Baywatch for the first time as a kid in the Nineties. It's a bare-all bonanza of boobs, balls, butts with banter, bringing a buffet of bulging bits binding Brits to their boxes with a barrage of bewitching bodies! 

Curiosity Served Raw: 

In a genuine Naked Attraction world would be strange; everyone's nude and everyone primarily remembers you because of your peculiarities, everyone will know a Fiona Floppy Flaps or Donkey Dick Dave. The selling point is the gradual process of unveiling, which in such a real world, might reflected or portrayed as the slow and gradual build up to the person? Objectification is why the contestants break up; this fact is ongoing proof in every episode. The pseudoscientific 'sex facts' add another layer of comedy just like 'Open House', because of it's so-called cutting edge-ucation. Naked Attraction as a world would be very silly. 

Desire for Meat? 

As a TV show, the raw physical presence on the live meat market is positively dissected and judged by contestants who might make you tilt your head. The unconventional format does not stop the laughable predictability of who a contestant might pick. It's supposed to entice our innate animalistic desire to attract a mate, but please, forgive my ignorance; I only half watch it in the background while I write these blogs or draw silly cartoons, I can tell what they want. It's like being a candle in the dark for the self-loving nympho contestants. The internet is rife with direct, intravenous filth, so why do we bother watching this drivel? 

The Comparison Game

Let's face it, there's a weird kind of voyeurism involved in these shows. A lot women find it hilarious, there are men, like me, rooting for mr micro to get picked. No, it's never cocktail sausage Colin, but always a confident dullard with a gargantuan horse size monstrosity, penduluming in-between his knees, hypnotising the contestants and viewers alike. We tune-in and might end up comparing ourselves or gawping at the madness of it, have a giggle at the weird and wonderful. Some people – all ages included – do like to oggle, others prefer erotic paperbacks, or possibly google image results of Anne Widdecombe. We have imagined regressing back to when our primary sex organs defined our breeding outcomes? Another mesolithic period?! The chosen get fed, clubbed and dragged into a cheap hotel/cave. 

British Smut: Laugh Out Loud, But Also Think It Through

How they turn every flirtatious moment into a punchline feels somewhat like putting tomato ketchup on a delicious steak—yeah, it'll get a laugh, but it diminishes the succulent flavour. Countless people profess that good sex involves a connection; a little fornication is fine, but to see it reduced to saucy puns and risqué humour for eleven seasons is tiring, don't you reckon? Try something new, they could all take turns in a big white cube to prove how good they are at shagging or make the presenter do her job dressed like gimp Madonna's tit suit—Richardson never has a go! 

The Whole Thing Failed Anyway! 

Yeah, duh, Naked Attraction doesn't prioritize the forging of enduring bonds. No, because is about tits and cocks and cheap tv ratings. The media haven't celebrated any marriages between previous contestants who chose one another because they only hook up for a jump. Unbelievable how the experiment failed. 

Normal Attraction Coming Soon! 

Does the constant barrage of vulgarity, boasting, shock tactics, and euphemisms all overshadow the unseen reality of the beauty of great relationships? Yes. If Naked Attraction has failed, would that mean regular, everyday attraction has won? No. 

Naked Wisdom

Is it healthy watching it with your wife? Is it good for couples? Are we now mindless consumers? Certainly not. I'm quite the detective: 'Ha! That woman who hates high pitched men just said she doesn't go for big todgers. . . she just rejected the baby-dick with the deep voice,' 

My better half: 'So, what?' 

Me: 'So, duh, she'll either pick average Joe five incher or that fucking Leviathan cock who talks like Joe Pasquale!' 

'Look, stop, you gotta. . . listen, not all women are bothered about penis size!' 

'She just picked hung helium Harry, you're all bloody dark horses!'