Nursing and Support: Do Carers Really Care?

The Archetypal Carer

The Dichotomy in Nursing and Care

The archetypal carer can be seen in the Irish goddess of healing, Brigid. Doesn't that rock the casbah? No? Well, there're other examples, like Patch Adams, Mary Seacole, Florence Nightingale, and even Jesus Christ himself! It’s a respected vocation, only because very few of us really want to do it as a job! It’s underpaid and it can be a pretty thankless occupation!

We all have a similar mental image of a carer: a uniformed caregiver, subservient and kneeling beside an armchair, smiling lovingly into the eyes of their elderly client, almost as if they’re gazing at their own cherished grandparents. It's a beautiful stereotype showing a cultivated empathy. To be honest, what does it really mean to care for someone professionally? 

Let’s Unpack the Empathy Talk and Get Real! 

Empathy is generally defined as putting yourself in another person's situation. I can tell you, it goes wrong for us all! You can engage in emotional empathy (which we all pretty much do in life anyway) or cognitive empathy, which aligns with a self-controlled, measured approach.

Imagine checking on a new resident who moved into the care home that morning. You simply want to reach out, maybe attempt to strike up some rapport with the poor guy, because well, he was nervous all shift and you can pick up on his anxiety. 

'Do you like it here so far?' You ask, through a slightly open toilet door giving a spirited and reassuring smile. Then you realise the bloke's mid suppository! The horror stuns you! His nurse, who's globular lubed-up index digit, is half inside him, stares at you like you'd just farted and wafted it toward her on purpose! In that one moment, you realise how blinding yourself with 'how insecure a resident might feel' can ironically make a twat of you. The question haunts you for months. 

Emotional vs. Cognitive Empathy

Emotional empathy is natural and can be trust-building, fostering deep connections. However, such professional vs real-life connections like these can lead to caregivers talking absolute bollocks—something, I’ll get to in a moment! There’s also the very real prospect of risking emotional burnout. How? Well. . . that would be by investing all your ‘empathy’ into the needs and whims of twenty-five or so people every day. It's comparable to an enthusiastic sex worker dating, falling in love, and then marrying every punter in her book just to go that extra mile. Pun was accidental. 

Anyone in a caring role faces a potential blur of boundaries. It comes with the rapport building and 'treat em like family' policy. 

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, grants carees that much-needed insightful distance; unbiased decision-making and level-headed intervention doesn’t need emotional assurances. It isn't cold or distant maintain professional boundaries, and it ease the nature of unnecessarily pandering to people in receipt of care. Look it’s only a job! Care workers are expected to provide care, support, safety and a bit of fun—they aren’t family members!

Er, that's my mum not your nan! 

Finding the Balance

So, here's that empathy point I wanted to bring up! Innocently projecting goodwill at everyone you care for can turn into some kind of wishful thinking or a confirmation bias which often risks confusing daily care notes. I’ve read the mollycoddling language and it sounds like lunacy! It's always those carers who like to pretend things are much better than they really are. The nursing midwifery code (NMC) supports what I'm trying to say. 

Take, for instance, one particular patient with both physical and mental challenges. His daily written notes often detailed him swimming at the public swimming baths or painting very well in the art session. 

However, from head to toe, this bloke measured roughly three feet, crunched up with cruel deformity and heavily reliant on his moulded wheelchair! This individual had the mental age of a baby. Imagine a horrible legal consequence, the court is aware you must adhere to this. There's no harm in easing off the 'like-family' thing in order to be safe. 

Conclusion

Lots of abuse cases have shown hidden abuse hidden taking place beneath the veneer of friendship and closeness. Whenever you’re asked, 'Can you explain good care?' if ever you are in a care job interview, you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle. Emotionally empathic care can hinder mindful, measured, careful conduct. Of course, we have to value being objective at times. Be aware of your role as a paid employee: not a friend, but friendly, not a relation but relatable. 

Carers, share your thoughts…

Have you disclosed too much or got carried away with excessive pandering? Ever dropped the ball?