Watching With Forgiveness: 5 Plot Gaffs We Might Ignore!

5 Famous Plots That Don't Make Logical Sense When You Think About It

Oh yeah, that mental pointy samurai twat and his little ninja dickheads causing shit again? It's not really our issue—those mutated sewer amphibians are sorting it. No longer a police problem.

The cops aren't coming — here's why  nobody came to fix these goofy plots either. Maybe we are too easily distracted by the extravagant weird characters in their heroic reds and blues, or the edgy dark lord aesthetic.

5. Discharging That Battery Farm Plot in The Matrix:

The credit for this belter goes to everyone on YouTube since the dawn of the internet age! 'The human body generates more bioelectricity than a 120-volt battery and over 25,000 BTUs of body heat' according to Morpheus. But still, why would a super AI paddle a boat with a hole in it when it could sail a cruise ship instead? You see, we already have nuclear power, solar energy, as well as that geothermal stuff which are all much easier options than circulating the human stock as living batteries. AI should have just nicked it. 

It really is a needlessly complicated system. The machines also maintain the matrix, a flawless virtual reality system, but why, if it triggers the free minded humans to revolt? Yes, there are uprisings from those vast fields of human pods, who also require nutrition and secretion management: a good human battery system is a brainless battery system. It is safe to assume any genius AI would have simply built proper power sources and eradicated us all. 

4. Shhhh! It's That Creature Issue in:

Here's a fair question: if those large terrifying creatures hunt only by sound—given they hate loud noise—why would you go and live in the most tranquil place you can find in the countryside? The loudest place to live is the safest place to live.

Instead the kids tiptoe around and communicate in sign language, and they're living in a completely exposed wooden farmhouse! However, an entire commune of people could last longer in, let's say a secured noise polluting factory. The raw decibels of smashing metal, roaring machines, screeching motors, hydraulics with radios blaring out music 24/7. It's a massive dererrent, those characters who can't hear the racket are sorted. 

3. Star Wars: Lucky Skywalker and The Old Death Star Design Flaw... 

'The Empire doesn't consider a small one-man fighter to be any threat, or they'd have a tighter defence.' - General Dodonna. 

Okay, since this 1977 film was made they added an apologetic explanation. The hot flatulence port was engineering sabotage by the rebels. Yeah, it was thrown into the canon, but still, if I google how many engineers designed the Eiffel tower for instance? Approximately fifty engineers and draftsmen! The Robin Reliant had more engineers than the bloody Deathstar! 

Those galaxy dominant imperial forces didn't think, did they? I mean, even the VW Beetle had a team, but admittedly two key principle designers, Ferdinand Porsche and Adolf sodding Hitler! It's a bit too stand-up down the comedy club to be true. I wonder if the car's original name was a bit like VW Fuhrer? Volkswagon Reich? 

Who The Heck is This Bloke? 

Would you trust the design of a superweapon with such catastrophic power to just one bloke, one grumpy old jedi hating burns victim who's seriously over compensating? Trillions of credits and decades of engineering was wasted because of a single exhaust port—s'like paying Russia to design our trident missile system.

Yes the thermal exhaust port is the Death Star's anus. It farts out unwanted air! Secretly, that could have been a covert dark side plan all along, just as stupid, but still, a psychological war tactic against The Rebel Alliance. True, smears of childish rectal passage rhetoric and propaganda is off putting. At least Lucky Skywalker managed to empty his balls into the thing without a mechanical aid!

2. The Walking Dead's Zombie Threat is Inconsistent:

'We need to find somewhere safe!' said dozens of characters across eleven sodding seasons! Tell me, why are slow, mindless, decomposing zombies still a threat? Surely, after years of experience you'd pick up a few zombie hacks? (Ignore the pun's, I'm not sorry). I'm just saying the gang continuously struggled with decaying enemies that were no smarter than cows—smart survivors could have found novel ways to invent zombies powered generators, yeah! Zombie batteries! 

Rotting, stinking, grunting and moaning so bad you can smell one long before you even see it, but the stealthy fuckers still catch people? Really? As 'The Walking Dead' slowly progressed through years of seasons, the zombie threat needed bolstering with raiders and rival settlements. Fair enough, but then it's hardly undead survival though is it? It turned itself into a post-apoch tribal war sort of thing that featured zombies!

Where were the cool improvised anti-zombie measures? You know? Moats? Forest Mulchers? Steam Rollers? Elevated living quarters for snipers, and all that booby trap jazz? Maybe it was worth introducing the odd taboo debate like a zombie molesting case or half breeds like 'The Arrrrghh child'? 

1. Spiderman: Swinging on a Web of Lies?

Somewhere in his little body, Peter Parker has a huge sack full of impossibly strong silk that can stop a speeding train; somehow though, it dissolves into nothing after an hour! The logic behind Spider-Man's powers just isn't there. This web-slinger sticks to walls because of microscopic hooks in his fingertips and toes, but, nothing explains how that works considering he wears gloves and boots! 

Bad guys wouldn't be too much trouble for real police; they could easily dart the shit out of Dr Octopus with tranquilisers and arrest him or use superior firepower on any grenade hurling maniac surfing a drone. These 'villains' weren't bullet proof, but they still implied it. The webbing held weird connotations for me. Those embarrassing wrist ejaculations were dropped and future Spider-Men had to invent their own web-shooters! 

Anyone who can invent a two inch disk capable of binding ships together needn't work as a news photographer—he'd win the Nobel Prize. Peter Parker would smash The Great British Sewing Bee! 

Honourable Mention: Signs' Water-Vulnerable Alien Invasion

'They don't like water.' - Merrill Hess. 

In 'Signs,' the invading aliens are fatally harmed by water—it's like acid to them. Okay, so why did those hydro-phobic extra terrestrials choose to invade a planet that's 71% saturated in the stuff? This ill planned invasion reveals that their worlds leaders are just as stupid as our own, which we can argue is quite a believable bit of writing, don't you agree? 

Forget the army, don't call the police, we could beat these space invaders with the fire brigade! Sprinklers on, load up all the kids with water balloons, menacingly hold a glass of water. Bear Grylls enthusiasts can just piss on them. We, in the UK, have our proverbial thick ring of garlic; that's the rain, our filthy rivers, rank canals, but also light drizzle with a northern westerly breeze. They'd never take us!! 

Even if you bled on the things your water rich blood it would be fatal. Not even Elon Musk would attempt to colonise a planet that's no use to us and that man isn't the full ticket.

My Conclusion... 

In the end, perhaps certain plot holes are the cost of an over the top compelling character? Tobey Maguire could've stored his supply of webbing in his bollocks for all I cared—I still would have watched it.